Smile: The Education
by lunartick
Summary: Oneshot. Shinpachi convinces Okita to teach him and a few friends how to wriggle out of being punished by Toshi... with rather devastating results. Nonyaoi. RandR!


Heh heh! The third installment in the Smile series! This is basically a weird fic about Okita teaching everyone how to wriggle out of being punished the way he does. Honestly, it is kind of funny (sniggers insanely).

Anyway, PMK does not belong to me ok? If it did, it would be classified under the Gone-Off-the-Deep-End genre.

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**Smile: The Education **

"Ok… so what we do is plant bombs at the base of the palace…"

"What about the palace guards…"

"Get rid of them… spikes… daggers… feathers…"

"And the bombs?"

"Cool… boom… fire… light… run like hell…"

Okita Souji paused in the act of sticking a piece of candy into his mouth as the loud voices floated out from the restaurant he was passing. He looked down at his belt, and pouted sadly at the sight of his katana-deficient belt then he shrugged and entered the restaurant.

"Hi, I am Captain Okita Souji of the Shinsengumi," Okita greeted, "so do you wish to die now by my hands, or later by our demon vice-commander's torture?"

The men sitting in the room Okita had just invaded stared blankly up at the sweetly smiling young man.

"Uh…" one of them tried, "is this some kind of prank?"

"Oh no," Okita said, waving his hands at the men, "I know I'm not exactly in regulation uniform now, but I happened to overhear you guys talking about blowing up the palace, and I couldn't well stay out of all this now, could I?" Grinning, he popped another candy into his mouth and chewed contentedly.

The men exchanged looks then burst out laughing. "Hey, lady," one of them jeered, "drop the act! You aren't even carrying a sword with you right now! If you just want to have a drink with us Choshu rebels, just say so. You're more than welcomed!"

Okita's smile wavered slightly. This wasn't exactly how he envisioned things to go. Usually, they screamed and tried to run, or stood their ground and fought. Never had they laughed at him before. Well… of course, during those times he had been wearing the Shinsengumi uniform, and had about a dozen other men at hand…

"This is not a joke," Okita said firmly, deciding politeness was out of the question, "Now, anyone who tries to resist will be severely injured so do not…" He broke off as one of the men suddenly invaded his comfort zone.

"Isn't she a cutie?" the man leered, "I mean, check out this cute little butt."

Then to Okita's horror, the man pinched his butt.

Yes, the man pinched Okita Souji's butt.

Okita lowered his head slightly so his bangs hid his eyes. "You are going to regret that," he said quietly.

"Oh?" the man jeered. "How? What are you going to do? Smother us to death with your… eh… hey, you really don't have much of a bosom now, do you?"

"That would be because," Okita snapped, raising his head to reveal the expression on his face, "I am a man!"

And that was when the men started to run.

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"You have to tell me how you do that," Shinpachi said as the men of the Second Unit led the stunned and badly bruised men out of the inn.

"Do what?" Okita asked innocently, chewing contentedly on a piece of candy.

Shinpachi rolled his eyes. "You took out twenty men without a sword," he said dryly, "I know you're always telling me you don't find it dangerous to go out without a sword, but this really proved it. How the hell do you take out twenty men without a sword? It's not like you've got Sano's muscles or something like that."

Okita smiled. "Well," he said slowly, "first and foremost, I have to get really, really mad. Then, I have to locate something that is roughly katana-like. Lastly, I turn on the men and do what I do best, which is to beat the living hell out of them."

Shinpachi grinned nervously at the demonic look that had suddenly come over Okita's face. "Gee," he mumbled, "what the hell did they do to you?"

"They thought I was a woman," Okita grumbled, pouting, "and one of them… one of them _pinched_ my butt."

The Second Unit Captain gawked at his furious companion then lowered his head, trying to decide whether he should laugh or cry. "Maybe you should take Saitou's advice and wear black," he said, deciding (for the sake of his health) to settle with a sympathetic nod, "or some other colour other than white."

"Uh uh," Okita said, shaking his head childishly, "I _like_ white…"

"Anyway," Shinpachi went on, "you've better not let Hijikata-san find out you went out without a sword. You know how he is like about your safety."

"I know that," Okita sighed, "I think I'm going to get a very long lecture once I get home."

"Lecture?" Shinpachi asked, raising his eyebrows. "You're upset about a lecture? I pray for lectures every time I screw up, because the alternative is much, much worse."

"But that's because," Okita said mischievously, "you screw up much, much worse as well."

"Vice-commander's pet," Shinpachi muttered.

"I think you mean, I actually _obey_ the rules."

"Yeah… you don't even go to Shimabara, and that isn't even against the rules." Shinpachi shot his friend a look. "I bet you haven't even bedded a woman before."

"Hmm?" Okita gave his friend an impish smile.

"You have?" Shinpachi gaped.

"Umm…?" Okita looked to the sky and whistled a rather… provocative tune to himself.

"Oh my…"

"You!"

Shinpachi and Okita both turned to see one of the prisoners staring in terror at Okita.

"Those eyes… those eyes…" the man gasped, "those are the eyes… of a demon! Do you even… even have a soul?"

At that, Okita smiled. "Oh yes, only I don't have it with me right now," he replied solemnly, "it's called Kikuichi-monji, and it's presently on display in my room."

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"My soul is called 'Kikuichi-monji'?" Hijikata roared, slamming his hands down on the table so hard he upset the ink tray.

Okita smiled in amusement as Shinpachi tried to hide behind him. "Well, it's true isn't it?" he asked innocently.

"My soul is called 'Kikuichi-monji' and it's in my room?" Hijikata thundered, his face darkening even further.

"Actually, at the moment it's tucked in my belt…"

"Okita-san, for the love of god, don't antagonize him further!" Shinpachi hissed fearfully.

"You were making fun of the codes of bushido!" Hijikata roared, his eyes gleaming yellow. "How dare you! How dare you!"

"No, I wasn't," Okita protested, causing Shinpachi to squeak in terror, "You always told me that the sword is the soul of the warrior, so I was merely speaking the truth."

"Don't lie to me!" Hijikata bellowed, causing the ceiling boards to rattle dangerously. (Susumu, who happened to have been on those ceiling boards decided to crawl away to a safer place.) "You are not that bloody naïve!"

"I'm not?" Okita asked, pulling out his most innocent face. "But Toshi-nii, I don't know what you're talking about!" He almost stuck his thumb into his mouth then changed his mind, when he remembered that he hadn't had a chance to wash his hands after returning to headquarters.

"Don't start that 'Toshi-nii' thing!" Hijikata screamed, the vein in his forehead throbbing dangerously. "You haven't called me 'Toshi-nii' ever since you hit puberty, which is also when you started behaving as irresponsibly as that… that _thing_ behind you!" Shinpachi squeaked and tried to burrow through the floorboards to escape.

"I'm sorry Hijikata-san," Okita said smoothly, smiling charmingly, "it was all my fault. Nakagura-san was merely in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"He should have stopped you! Chastised you! Beheaded you! If only to stop you from embarrassing the Shinsengumi!" Hijikata screamed, his voice evolving rapidly into a screech.

"I'm sorry!" Shinpachi cried shrilly, dropping into a bow. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! God save me, I'm sorry!"

"We're both sorry," Okita went on in the same calming tone, "come, Hijikata-san. Why don't you have a smoke and a cup of tea? I'm sure that will calm you down."

"A smoke and a cup of…" Hijikata broke off in half-rant as he considered that. "Ichimura!" he thundered. "Tea!"

"There, there," Okita went on, his voice dropping to a soft, hypnotizing pitch, "there's nothing to be worried about. Everything is alright. The codes of bushido have not been violated."

"The codes of bushido have not been violated… no wait! They have… not…"

Shinpachi peeked over Okita's shoulder in amazement. The yellow gleam had vanished from Hijikata's eyes to be replaced by a dull, unfocused look.

"Nakagura-san and I will just go out now," Okita sad in the same tone, "we have to serve the Shinsengumi after all."

"Serve the Shinsengumi."

"Goodbye, Hijikata-san."

"Goodbye."

The moment they were outside, Shinpachi breathed a loud sigh of relief then gawked at Okita. "What was that all about?" he demanded.

Okita smiled sweetly. "Smiling is not the only thing I'm good at," he said cheerfully, "I happen to be very good at the art of persuasion." Laughing, he skipped off to locate Saizou.

Shinpachi shook his head. No wonder Okita got away with all his crimes! That guy could probably persuade a charging bear to stop, serve him tea, lie on its back and play dead.

The wily mind of the Second Unit Captain suddenly kicked into action. If he could learn that art, who knows what the Comedian Trio could get away with! Heaven knows they needed it much more than Okita did, given that they tended to break more rules than the First Unit Captain did.

He broke into a grin. "Okita-san!" he cried, charging around the building eagerly.

"Yes?" Okita asked, kneeling in front of the pig pen. "Hijikata-san shouldn't have snapped out of his daze so soon, right?"

"Eh?"

"Oh… eh… never mind. What did you want?"

"Ne, Okita-san," Shinpachi said, grinning widely, "could you teach Sano and I how to put one over Hijikata-san?"

Okita blinked twice, stared at the sky then shrugged. "Why not?"

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In the dead of the night, Susumu crawled through the ceiling boards, eager to get to his room to sleep. This particular mission had been rather taxing, and he had a couple of wounds from fighting those miserable kunoichi. He especially hated it when they went, "Ooh, cute hunk! Check out that chest!" before driving a dagger through said chest. At least he was not rude. Not once did he ever say, "Ooh, sexy babe! Check out that chest" and then attempt to do something very ungentlemanly.

Grumbling to himself, he turned a corner, checking the wound on his chest. Fortunately, the kunoichi had not been very well trained, and her dagger had nicked rather than stabbed him. That wasn't to say it didn't hurt.

_"Ah… I see… hello, Harada-san, Nakagura-san… and Tetsu-kun." _

_"Hello Okita-sensei!" _

_"Ah… ah ha… please don't call me sensei. After all, we are of the same rank." _

Susumu froze. The voices floating up from below him belonged to the First Unit, Second Unit and Tenth Unit captains… and of course, the miserable page. Should he check on what they were doing? Or did he even want to know what they were doing?

Curiosity getting the better of him, Susumu shifted the ceiling boards slightly to watch. There, below him, was Okita Souji's room. The First Unit Captain was standing a little uncomfortably before the three people kneeling before him.

"Tetsu-kun," Okita was saying, "I didn't know you were joining us tonight."

"Of course I would!" Tetsu cried. "This will be the lesson of my life!"

Okita laughed weakly.

Up above, Susumu rolled his eyes. Whatever this was, it sounded downright ridiculous and boring.

"Ok, so this will be lesson number one on how to persuade Hijikata-san out of punishing you or going all demonic on you."

On the other hand…

The four people below gasped as the shinobi suddenly dropped from the ceiling, landing in a kneeling position. "Okita-san?" he requested. "Can I join your class as well?"

Okita did a double-take then laughed. "Of course, Yamazaki-san, but your chest…"

Susumu flinched, instinct telling him Okita was about to drive a dagger through his chest then smiled wryly to himself. Okita was no kunoichi. "I can deal with it here," he replied.

"Ok," Okita conceded, "then let's start our lesson."

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Okita paced up and down the length of his room slowly, a little bit uncomfortable with the fact that people he considered equal in rank to him were kneeling before him eagerly, desperate for him to start the lesson (and, in Susumu's case, for the bleeding to stop). Sighing, he decided to get this over and done with.

"The first step to all persuasion," Okita began, "is to smile." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his four students immediately start experimenting with their faces. "Convincingly," he added.

"How do you do that?" Sano demanded, trying on his usual toothy grin.

"Well…" Okita said, "there are many kinds of smiles, but the best is to keep it innocent yet with a hint of mischievousness. Those kinds of smiles work best on Hijikata-san because he can't decide if you're really being sincere or if you're trying to confuse him." Four blank stares met his eyes and he sighed. "Like this." He flashed his trademark smile and all four nodded. "Shall we try?"

He paced down the line towards Sano. "You first, Harada-san. Let's see your smile." Sano hesitated then reached out his fingers to touch his lips. Slowly, he started to manipulate the curves.

"Like this?"

"That's a grimace, not a smile, Harada-san."

"Eh… well… how about like this?"

"That's eh… a little… too… eh… is the word I'm looking for 'barbaric'? Eh…" Okita smiled weakly. "Never mind. How about you, Nakagura-san?"

"Eh me? Ok… eh…"

"Not so wide."

"Ok…"

"No, no… too fake."

"Eh…"

"Too terrified."

"Eh…"

"Too… eh… too much like Harada… never mind, keep working on it. Tetsu-kun?"

Tetsu raised his eyes and met the expectant, kindly face of his idol. He bit his lip. Even if he had to kill himself, he must, _must_ meet the expectations of his idol! He would not have Okita-san be disappointed! Never! Never! Never! If… if he had to see… see Okita-san… being… being upset because… he failed… failed…

"Eh…" Okita smiled. "You know, Tetsu-kun… the tears are really a good idea, but the whole point of this exercise is to smile. Tears don't really work well on Hijikata-san…" He broke off as Tetsu burst into all out wailing, leaping forward and throwing his arms around Okita's waist.

"I'm so sorry, Okita-san!" Tetsu wailed. "I didn't mean to disappoint you! Please don't be angry with me! I'll try harder next time!"

Okita patted Tetsu's back instinctively. "Yes, yes, ok, Tetus-kun, I'm not angry… please stop trying to… suffocate me… let's try again…"

Tetsu let go of his idol. "You're really not angry?" he asked in a tiny voice.

"Of course not," Okita said, relishing in his ability to breathe.

Tetsu broke into a huge grin.

"Eh… good, but try not to look so happy; it'll only make Hijikata-san angrier."

"Yes sir!"

Relieved, Okita inched further from the little boy and turned to his last student. "Yamazaki-san?"

"Ok. How is this?"

Okita grinned widely. "That's nice, Yamazaki-san, but you don't have to raise your sleeve to your mouth."

Susumu stared at the hand in front of his mouth and dropped it. "Habit," he explained shortly. "I usually only smile when I'm a woman." He ignored the taunting laughter coming from the other three.

"Let's try again?"

There was a brief silence as all four of them turned to stare at the shinobi. Then Tetsu screamed and leapt onto Shinpachi, who was half-way to leaping on Sano. "He looked like Okita-san!" Tetsu screeched. "He looked exactly like Okita-san!"

Okita himself smiled sheepishly as he tried to hide the sword he had picked up instinctively behind him. "Well, Yamazaki-san," he said, laughing as he inched towards the sword rack to replace his sword, "that was very well done!"

Susumu shrugged then threw his quavering classmates a smug smirk.

"Ok," Okita went on, "Um… we can practice smiling on our own time, so why don't we move on to lesson number two?"

"Hai, sensei!"

Okita sighed to himself. This was going to be a very long night.

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"The second lesson," Okita said, "involves distracting the person from whatever it was that got you in trouble in the first place. That can be done by talking rapidly or just changing the subject smoothly. Or, by offering something the person likes."

"Changing the subject smoothly?" Tetsu asked.

"Essential," Okita said firmly, "because if Hijikata-san feels that you are trying to change the subject, it is goodbye to your intestines." All his students stared up at him in terror and he smiled sweetly. "Ok, Harada-san, please?"

Sano stared as Okita's cheery face suddenly evolved into the face of the demon. "Sano!" Okita roared, radiating enough ki to kill off all the plants in the headquarters. "You destroyed the dojo again! Do you know how much money that's going to cause us?"

"Eep?"

"No, no, no," Okita said hurriedly, waving his hands childishly, all the murderous ki gone, "you can't say 'eep', you've got to say something like, 'ne, Okita-san, I didn't mean to do that, and have you heard about the dojo down at the…' you know what I mean?"

"Eep?"

"I'll… take that as a 'yes'. Now, Nakagura-san?"

"Eh…"

"Shinpachi!" Okita thundered, his eyes glowing red. "That's the last time you've killed someone because they thought you are short! Do you know that you are tarnishing the reputation of the Shinsengumi with your reckless behaviour?"

"I…" Shinpachi stuttered, hiding behind Sano, "I… but…"

"No!" Okita cried, stepping closer to the red-head (and causing him to scream and cling to Sano), "You can't hesitate, you've to be strong and firm about it."

"Ok! Ok!" Shinpachi yelled. "Just don't come any closer!"

Okita sighed. "Tetsu-kun?" he asked.

"Okita-san…"

"How dare you spill tea over my haiku books again!" Okita swept up his sword and unsheathed it. "This time, you die!"

"Lord save me!" Tetsu screamed, so terrified he leapt onto a very disgruntled shinobi's lap.

"Never beg for mercy," Okita said cheerfully, sheathing his sword, "that'll only make Hijikata-san go mad with fury. We don't want that now, do we?"

"…no…" Tetsu whimpered, sniffling and rubbing his nose into Susumu's gi, causing the ninja to punch him for re-opening the wound on the ninja's chest.

"Now then," Okita said, gently dislodging Tetsu from Susumu's gi and placing him back on the floor, "Yamazaki-san?"

"Hai?"

"You screwed up again! I can't believe you screwed up again! This time, you screwed up the way only a screw can screwed up! What kind of a ninja are you?"

There was silence as Okita waited for a reply. Then to his horror, tears started to fill the shinobi's eyes. "I'm so sorry," Susumu cried, bowing so low his forehead hit the ground, "please allow me to commit seppuku for this! I have shamed you again!" He lifted his head and bowed again, the resulting sound echoing throughout the dojo. "I am unworthy of the Shinsengumi!" _Thonk. _"I am unworthy of being a shinobi!" _Thonk._ "I'm a disgrace to all of humanity!" _Thonk._ "I am a worthless man!" _Thonk._ "And a poor cross-dresser!" _Thonk._ "Alas, at least let my death not be in vain!" _Thonk._

There was a long silence as Susumu waited the order to go commit seppuku.

"Brilliant! Brilliant!" Okita cried, wiping away tears from his eyes. "Absolutely brilliant!" Susumu lifted his head and stared confusedly at the crying, clapping audience.

"Eh… brilliant?"

"Definitely," Okita said, beaming through his tears, "Such emotion! Sure to distract someone as cranky about emotions as Hijikata-san from the topic at hand."

Susumu thought about it. He actually thought hard about it. Unfortunately, he couldn't quite figure out what just happened. Fortunately, he didn't really care. All he knew was that he had just beat the other three again.

He flashed the jealous three another smug smirk.

"I must say," Okita went on, "this night might be quite fulfilling after all." Then a little more energetically, he added, "Let's move on to lesson three, ok?"

"Hai!"

"Good! That's the spirit! Lesson three involves how to invoke guilt…"

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As the dawn broke over the horizon, sending light spreading over the headquarters of the Shinsengumi, five people clung together weakly, struggling to their feet.

"We've done it…" Sano whispered weakly, "we've survived the night…"

"We've learnt all we can learn about how to put one over Hijikata-san," Shinpachi rasped, clinging to Tetsu and Sano for support, "we've done it, Tetsu!"

"Hai!" Tetsu cried, his knees trembling under his weight. "We've made it! Susumu, ne?"

Susumu clutched Okita's arm and Tetsu's shoulder unsteadily. "Yes we have," he said blandly, the dark rings under his eyes obvious against his pale skin, "we have succeeded. I almost feel a sense of camaraderie with the three of you."

"Susumu!" Sano whispered, his eyes tearing.

"If you hug me, I'll put a kunai through your eye."

"Oh… my brother…"

"Screw it."

Okita cleared his throat, still handsome despite the eye bags that now marred his face. "Just let me say one thing… my most worthy students…"

"Hai, sensei!"

Drawing himself up, leaning against Sano for support, Okita smiled and said, "Congratulations, my students. I have taught you everything that I know about putting one over Hijikata-san. Now that there's nothing more to teach you… my life's work is… over. Go out… and put my lessons… to… good… use…" Soundlessly, Okita collapsed onto the ground.

"Sensei!" Tetsu cried, stumbling forward. "Sensei!"

"Okita-sensei!" Shinpachi cried. "No!"

Together, the four pupils crowded around the frail, thin figure, tears filling their eyes.

"He… he gave his life to teach us…" Sano said disbelievingly, "Oh, Okita-sensei…"

"He gave his life to protect us from the demon…" Shinpachi gasped, crying helplessly.

"No!" Tetsu cried. "No! Okita-sensei! Don't leave us!" He flung himself onto the still figure and bawled.

"It's over," Susumu said, clapping a hand on the young boy's shoulder and pulling him away, "let him rest." The shinobi's head was bowed, allowing the bangs to hide his eyes.

Reverently, the four disciples lifted up their sensei and lay him on the futon. Just as they covered him, the bright light of dawn shone through the doors and seemed to set the prone figure on fire.

"Oh sensei," Sano said, wiping his tears away, "we are forever in your debt."

"Goodbye sensei," Shinpachi whispered, "we'll miss you." Together, the four of them kneeled down and bowed to the glowing figure before stepping out of the door.

Tetsu, the last to leave turned around and gazed down at the figure. "Goodbye," he murmured, "My teacher, my friend… my brother." Then the door slid closed, shutting out the light.

On the futon, Okita snuggled sleepily into the warm blankets, already dreaming of flying pigs and unlimited amounts of candy. "Bye," he mumbled, "see you guys during dinner." Then he went back to sleep, sucking on the corner of his pillow, morning patrol forgotten.

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"Ichimura!" Hijikata roared, "Where is my tea?" He grumbled miserably, exhaling grey clouds of smoke as he scribbled furiously.

"Here's your te… wah!"

Hijikata's eyebrow twitched as a rather sheepish Tetsu came around the corner. "I'm sorry, Hijikata-san," he said, head bowed, "I… spilled the tea again."

"You!" Hijikata roared. "I've had enough of you! There is a permanent stain on the corridor outside my door thanks to your bestial stupidity! Do you think being a page is some kind of joke?" He glared at the young boy.

There was silence.

Then the boy smiled. "Ne, Hijikata-san," he said cheerily, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"Wh… what?" Hijikata observed the smile suspiciously. Why on earth did it look so familiar?

"Perhaps I could go get you some snacks?" Tetsu went on, still smiling. "I know Ayu-nee has made some red-bean mochi."

"Red-bean mochi?" Hijikata felt his stomach growl eagerly. Ayumu's mochi, red-bean or not, was famous. "You mean…"

"Red-bean mochi," Tetsu went on, in a soft gentle tone, "a layer of chewy, sticky rice paste that is just so yummy to chew… and the red-bean paste inside, soft and sweet, it just melts on your tongue…"

Hijikata cleared his throat, his mind already fixed on the mochi. "Yes, I would like some," he said.

"Right away, sir!" Tetsu said, leaping to his feet eagerly. Then he flashed Hijikata another smile. "Goodbye, Hijikata-san!"

For two seconds, Hijikata spent his time thinking about red-bean mochi then his brain decided to make a comeback. He gaped helplessly at the spot where Tetsu had been just a while ago. That had not just happened. Tetsu had not just wriggled out of being… why the hell was that situation so familiar?

"I need a break," Hijikata mumbled, "just a walk around the garden while waiting for my mochi to come." He wandered off in the opposite direction Tetsu had disappeared to.

Outside, Tetsu rounded the corner and gave Susumu a victorious wave (which the shinobi returned rather reluctantly). First real-life encounter carried out successfully.

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Hijikata wandered in the direction of the dojo and peered in. He was aware that at the moment, the men of the Second and Tenth Unit should be deep into their meditation training.

As quietly as possible, he stepped in to avoid disturbing the men. It was silent in the dojo, he noted approvingly. At least no one was making use of meditation time to gossip. He would have to commend the Second and Tenth Unit captains for ensuring discipline during this boring exercise.

He looked around, and spotted the two captains kneeling near the wall. Cautiously, he picked his way over to the two captains and knelt down, prepared to wait until they… woke up.

A growl started at the back of his throat as he realized that both captains were not meditating, but lost in their dreams. Climbing to his feet, Hijikata took in a deep breath and roared, "Nakagura! Harada! Attention!"

Both captains shot from a state of unconsciousness to a state of verticality without going through all the other stages in between, and stood straight, blinking in confusion.

"H… Hijikata-san?" Shinpachi questioned.

"The two of you…" Hijikata spluttered. "Sleeping during meditation? How dare you! As captains, you should be setting an example for your men to follow! This is unacceptable!"

There was the murmuring of questions as the other men woke up and stared at their captains nervously. Then to their utter surprise, Shinpachi smiled.

"Ne, don't be angry, Hijikata-san," Shinpachi chirped, a look of utter innocence on his face, "we weren't sleeping, we were meditating."

"Only," Sano added, with a similar look on his face, "we were so far lost in our meditations that we _looked_ like we were sleeping." He smiled, and somehow managed to pull off looking pure and cute at the same time with his rugged unshaven face.

"You don't expect me to believe it now, do you?" Hijikata demanded, suddenly unsure of himself. They _did_ look really innocent and sincere.

"But of course we're telling the truth," Shinpachi said smoothly, "do we look like we're lying?"

Hijikata surveyed the wide, rounded eyes and tiny sincere smiles. "Alright," he conceded, "my wrong. Get back to meditating."

"Yes sir!"

As Hijikata wandered off again, he just missed the sight of Sano and Shinpachi slapping each other high-fives and smirking insanely.

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"What are you doing?"

Susumu peered over the edge of the roof to see his superior glaring up at him, a plate of mochi in his hands. "Sunbathing, sir," he reported, his face blank.

Hijikata glared, chewing on the mochi. "You do realize you are wearing nothing other than your…"

"Yes, sir."

"Get some clothes on now!" Hijikata roared. "What is this sunbathing nonsense? This is an utter disgrace to the Shinsengumi! How do you expect us, the brutal, cruel police force of Japan to be taken seriously when we have one of our mysterious creatures of the night sunbathing on the roof wearing nothing but his…"

"I do apologize, sir," Susumu said quietly, reaching for his clothes, "I shall hereby retreat to my room to commit seppuku."

Hijikata's jaw dropped then he shifted uncomfortably. "That's not what I meant, you fool!" he bellowed. "Just put on your…"

"It's ok, sir," Susumu said, his voice still emotionless, "I understand that I have shamed the Shinsengumi. I would end my life now, if it would not tarnish the reputation of the Shinsengumi to have a man kill himself on the roof-tops."

"That's not what I…"

"Would you be my second, sir?"

Hijikata scowled and swallowed the mochi vindictively. "Just put on your clothes and get off the bloody roof!" he shouted. "You are not to commit seppuku, you fool!"

"Really?"

Then to Hijikata's horror, the man smiled. It was not just any smile, it was a smile he recognized instantly.

"Souji?" he gasped, backing off quickly.

"Thank you, sir!" Susumu cried suddenly, his face a perfect imitation of Okita's happy face. "I am forever indebted to you!"

"Stop it!" Hijikata screamed. "I'm going mad! I must be! I'm seeing Souji everywhere!" Screaming, he turned and ran, dropping the plate, which smashed to pieces on the ground.

Susumu watched his superior disappear out of the front gates and shrugged. He just hoped Ayumu wouldn't be too angry at him for destroying one of her best plates.

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Okita yawned and stretched, feeling pleasantly rested. Blinking, he sat up then gaped at the darkened skies outside. "Oh dear," he mumbled, "I think I missed morning patrol… ah well…" He climbed lazily off the futon and stretched again.

Wandering over to the basin, he was a little annoyed to discover someone had emptied it. Then he remembered he was the one who had emptied it last night. Yawning, he walked over to the door and slid it open.

"Okita-sensei!"

Okita yelped and leapt back in fright at the sight before him. It looked like the whole of the Shinsengumi was kneeling before his bedroom door, bowing deeply.

"Wh… what is this?" he asked, feeling a strange urge to grab his sword and destroy everything in sight.

"We've heard all about it from Nakagura-san!" one man cried.

"Heard what?"

"And Harada-san was going on and on about it!"

"About what?"

"Okita-sensei!" the men cried together. "Please teach us how to put one over Hijikata-san!"

Okita blinked twice and scratched his head. Then he shrugged. "Sure," he said, rubbing his eyes sleepily, "Why not?"

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